We’ve all been there—mindlessly scrolling social media, binge-watching TV, grabbing a snack when we’re not hungry, or pouring another glass of wine after a long day. These actions, known as buffering, are our way of avoiding discomfort, stress, or emotions we don’t want to face. While buffering provides temporary relief, it often leaves us feeling worse in the long run.
But why do we buffer, and what can we do about it?
What Is Buffering?
Buffering is any activity we use to distract ourselves from uncomfortable thoughts or feelings. It’s a form of escapism that can look different for everyone. For some, it’s endlessly shopping online; for others, it’s overworking, overeating, or procrastinating. The common thread is that buffering serves as a temporary shield from what we don’t want to deal with emotionally or mentally.
Why Do We Buffer?
Avoiding Emotional Discomfort. Our brains are wired to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy—a concept known as the motivational triad. When we feel stressed, sad, or overwhelmed, buffering offers a quick hit of dopamine, the brain’s “feel-good” chemical. Unfortunately, this relief is fleeting, and the underlying discomfort remains. In short, we look for a hit of dopamine to feel better-for the moment.
Fear of Facing Reality. Sometimes, buffering helps us avoid confronting a hard truth—whether it’s dissatisfaction in a relationship, a lack of fulfillment in our career, or an internal struggle going on in our life. These realities can feel too daunting to face head-on, so we distract ourselves instead.
Habitual Patterns. For many, buffering becomes a habit. Over time, our brain starts associating certain triggers (like stress) with specific buffering activities (like snacking or scrolling). These patterns are reinforced each time we seek relief in the same way, creating a loop that’s hard to break.
The Consequences of Buffering
While buffering might offer a short-term escape, it often leads to long-term consequences. It can keep us stuck in unhealthy cycles, hinder our growth, and prevent us from truly addressing what’s bothering us. Over time, it can also create feelings of guilt or shame for avoiding important responsibilities or personal goals.
What Can We Do Instead?
Recognize the Behavior. The first step in overcoming buffering is awareness. Notice when you’re reaching for distractions. Are you snacking because you’re hungry, or because you’re bored? Are you scrolling social media to connect, or to avoid something?
Get Curious About Your Feelings. Instead of avoiding discomfort, lean into it. Ask yourself, What am I feeling right now? Why am I trying to escape this moment? By naming the emotion—whether it’s sadness, boredom, or anxiety—you begin to take away its power.
Practice Allowing Emotions. Emotions are like waves—they rise, crest, and eventually subside. Allowing yourself to feel the discomfort instead of running from it can help you process emotions more effectively. It’s not easy, but with practice, it gets easier.
Replace Buffering with Connection or Activity. Rather than numbing out, engage in activities that genuinely fulfill you. Go for a walk, call a friend, or spend time in nature, or listen to music. These activities don’t offer the same instant gratification but provide a quick distraction for an old bad habit and can lead to lasting satisfaction. Even if it is a simple as walking to the mail box or playing your one of your favorite songs. Here is a picture on our Alaska trip that I love looking at...it brings such a good feeling of peace and beauty within me.
Set Intentional Goals. Often, we buffer when we lack a sense of belonging or purpose. Setting small, achievable goals can create structure and give you something meaningful to work toward. Even 10 minutes spent pursuing a goal can shift your mindset. Goals can be small but powerful. For instance, a goal can be to read a chapter of a book every day to cleaning your garage slowly but surely.
Be Kind to Yourself. Remember, buffering is a natural response. Beating yourself up about it won’t help. Instead, approach yourself with compassion and recognize that every small step toward change is progress. Always treat yourself as you would your friend. Remember, how we feel will drive our actions and if we berate ourselves then we are most likely not going to feel better and head right back into the buffering.
The Freedom of Facing What We Avoid
Breaking free from buffering doesn’t mean you’ll never feel the urge to escape—it means learning to sit with discomfort and trust that you can handle it. When you stop numbing your emotions, you open the door to true self-awareness, growth, and connection. This might sound a little woo-woo but it works. If you sit in the discomfort and ask about why you feel as you do, you will begin to understand that the feeling will pass on its own WITHOUT the buffering. It usually takes about 90 seconds to pass.
The next time you find yourself reaching for a buffer, pause. Take a deep breath, and ask yourself, What am I really feeling right now? You might be surprised at the strength and clarity that you get from simply allowing the emotion to pass.
What are you using to buffer? And, why?
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